Exhausted

I'm tired of being belittled.
I'm tired when the teachers kept looking down on me.

I'm in the environment where the people keep looking down on me.

I've been belittle since i was in primary school.
Back then i was labelled as a 'slow learner' (yes, i was a slow learner at that time).
I was labelled as slow student who wouldn't give any benefit to the school.
I wouldn't be selected in any kind of activities or competition.
Yes, I admit because a t that time...
I don't possess any skills,
I am in my own world.
I create my own world in my mind
where people recognize me...
where i possess a lot of skills...
but the reality is...
i never score an A in mathematics in primary school.  

Oh, should i mention here...
I was also being bullied in primary school.
.Mentally.  
No one want to be my friend.
I had no friend in primary school.
Who wants to be a friend with a slow learner?
Not to mention where my teacher humiliated me in front of straight As students.
She said, " I thought you were smart "
Being called stupid by my mum. (my mom did that unintentionally. she' s just too tired and too angry at that time. but...still...deep down....*sobbing*)
Being called bengong (idiot) by my friend for asking why we shouldn't waters plant in a hot day.
I hate my childhood.  

i still remember, when i was in secondary school...
i was humiliated by my mum in front of my relatives.
she directly told them that i'm a slow learner.
not only my mum..but my whole family.
i had no motivation at all.
at that time, i felt like i don't belong there.
i tend to keep everything by myself.

How all of these affected me??
I'm scared if i would labelled as weak.
i hate to express my sadness.
crying in front of others is stupid things to do.
I'm scared if i couldn't score in my examination.
Being a top scorer in university examination is the only thing i could afford
to be recognized by others.
I hate to be belittled. (of course everyone do)
i easily feel challenged.
i lack of sympathy and empathy.

daddadadadaaaaa...........